Outward and Forward
I've been thinking about this for a while and think it's one of the most important lessons I've learned in my professional and personal life. I guess this might border on sounding like a psychology lesson, but I'll try not to go too far down that path. What I really hope to do is help you to understand what tends to be the most productive way for entrepreneurs, college students, and maybe just people in general to view the world around them.
Big statement, right? Let me preface with this: I am by no means a health or psychology professional. But I do think what I'm going to share is fundamentally logical, and is likely something you already knew. What I'm offering is a different, possibly simpler way to think about it/envision it.
Really what this comes down to is orientation--how you orient yourself in relation to yourself and the people around you. I believe there are two major determinants of orientation: direction and relation
- Direction (Forward/Backward)
Forward - Positively future-oriented and progress-oriented
Backward - Negatively past-oriented, can be thought of as "dwelling"
2. Relation (Inward/Outward)
Inward - Self-oriented
Outward - Others-oriented
With that being the case, I believe there are four kind of "macro" ways to orient yourself, and they can be illustrated in the sort of matrix below. Of course everyone orients themselves in a way that is somewhat of a blend of all of these things, but organizing it in this way allows you to asses where you're at and where you might like to be.
I'm not sure if the matrix is intuitive, so I will try to make a bit more sense of it by breaking down the four orientations.
Inward and Backward: Dwelling negatively on oneself, most often on one's own decisions. Best described as regretting.
Outward and Backward: Dwelling negatively on past interactions or events with others. Best described as resenting.
It is no secret that regret and resentment are two of the most unpleasant and counter-productive preoccupations to deal with. People who experience these things are those who are described as "stuck in the past". Because as you likely know, regret and resentment keep people from moving forward. They cause issues like doubt and fear of the future, which keep people from taking risks.
Like I said before I'm no psychology professional, so I will refrain from giving advice on how to confront such things. All that I will say--and I don't think this is too controversial--is that such things should be confronted.
The trouble can arise when people aren't achieving the success they desire, but don't realize that this "backward" orientation is the thing holding them back. I really believe that's something worth thinking about.
Inward and Forward: Oriented towards the betterment of oneself, whatever that might mean. What we would typically call growing.
Outward and Forward: Oriented toward the betterment of others. Best described as impacting.
Now any psychologist, life coach, or motivational speaker would tell you that the former has to happen before the latter. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to take on the responsibility of others without the correct amount of responsibility for oneself. So what does it mean to have the correct amount of responsibility for oneself? Maybe it starts with picking a goal, feeling responsible for that goal, and thus feeling responsible for turning oneself into the person who can achieve it. That's the inward and forward orientation. Over time what this really does is let people decide how they should act, and teaches them to hold themselves accountable for acting that way. Which take's A LOT of time and searching. And it's never done, but the pursuit, which we call "growing", seems to be one of the most productive pursuits someone can embark on.
Some people might say "well how do I know if I've grown?" And I think there's a million ways to measure this, but I'll focus on one that's pretty interesting. Say you have an idea or a goal for how you'd like to affect the lives of others. You want to be the CEO of a company, or you want to write a book, or you want to have a family. Whatever the thing might be, I think growth can be measured by assessing how much the thing you want to do terrifies you. Maybe it always will, but if you can actually imagine doing it, and can start to think of how you would do it, you're likely in a good place. And if you can even get excited about it, then you're off to the races.
If you couldn't have guessed, a good entrepreneur embodies the outward and forward orientation. But so do good parents, teachers, authors, politicians, and leaders of all types. And I really think this is such a useful thing to know. The people having a positive impact are those who have freed themselves from regret(inward and backward) and resentment(outward and backward), decided the mark they'd like to leave on the world(forward), invested some real time into turning themselves into the person who could do that(inward and forward), and finally went and started doing it(outward and forward).
Hopefully you can see the pieces fall into place there, or maybe I sound like a nut job. In any case I do hope this was helpful, and please feel free to reach out to me with any questions or thoughts.
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